Darkly depressed...

[alexpgp]

Today was one of those days that made me want to cry "Uncle!" at the top of my lungs.

Where do I start? And should I?

Actually, the day got off to a pretty good start. After using the restore disk on the Compaq, the operating $y$tem pops up a dialog box that asks for my product ID.

"Say what?" I think to myself. "This disk says it'll only restore onto my model of Presario. So... like... "

You get the picture.

Overly tired, I hit the Compaq web site and left a note asking them if they would be kind enough to give me my product ID. I held out little hope.

The required information was in my morning inbox.

I flailed about until about 11 am, when Galina came by to pick me up. I put the Compaq and associated goodies in the van and we went to the shop.

The good news was that I had a sizeable check waiting for me for my work in Houston. The bad news was that two accounts payable checks for the shop wiped out about 75% of that check... the one we were supposed to live on... that one.

And I'm not at all sure that there aren't other accounts payable lurking in the corners waiting to yell "Gotcha!" at hellishly high decibels when I'm not looking.

Fear is the mind-killer...

The store is losing money, and we are falling into the pattern of doing little or nothing to change that, and maybe even accelerating the process. I don't know...

I do know that I am spread out thin, thin, thin... and I keep getting pushed letting myself get pushed into putting out fires now instead of working to prevent future fires. Working like a maniac to try to earn money translating and interpreting just so the money can go into paying the store's bills is not my idea of what I want to do with my life.

Maybe the issue is that I don't really know what to do... else I'd be doing it? Or maybe it's easier to feel I'm doing something useful with all the firefighting?

I need to get back to basics. I need to set forth what needs to be done, and take steps to do it.

Hah! That's brave talk from a guy who has to do a thousand little things because certain other people around him say "I don't understand how to do that!" and evince absolutely no interest in gaining that understanding, or whose interest consists in watching me do and explain what needs to be done, over and over again, until it's just easier either to do it myself - without having to explain it - or just leave the task undone.)

Golly, I can whine, can't I?

While I'm on that subject, it's funny how I can twist almost anything against myself like that... almost like I don't have a right to complain... or if I do have that right, it's only because I'm a whiner.

The fact is - bottom line - I feel I am getting no support at the shop. On the other hand, everyone is working hard. Go figure.

It's late. I'm tired (been translating, natch). I should probably make this a private post, but someone out there might have some useful advice or insight, I don't know. I'm not looking for a kick in the butt, nor am I looking for an "Awww, poor baby!" from anyone; I don't think there's benefit to be gained from either exercise.

As I said, I'm tired. Crazy as it sounds, my mind feels a little clearer, a little more at ease for having laid these lines down on phosphor.

I will succeed. I will survive. Others have done it, and so will I.

Cheers...

Comments

[bandicoot.livejournal.com]

I've been in similar situations. You know enough about the shop situation at this point to make a long-term plan of some sort. Maybe long-term only means the next year, but you get the idea. Even if it means going away and thinking about it until it gells.

Or realizing you already have the plan in mind, you just need to "formalize" it and thrash it out with everyone else so everybody's going in the same direction.

But negative cash flow doesn't cut it for very long.

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

Amen to that.

Cheers...

[days-unfolding.livejournal.com]

Can you prioritize the demands on your time and cash flow to figure out what is giving the most return (in cash flow or satisfaction or, optimally, both)? Drop everything else. (Yeah, I know, much much easier said than done!)

Is there a way to simplify or downscale the shop to that which is most profitable? Decrease the number of hours that it's open? Decrease overhead in some other manner? Specialize?

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

If anything, I need to upscale the shop to include things that folks'll buy while they're in to buy a couple of stamps.

OTOH, I don't want the place to turn into a flea market, either.

I need to take the time to plan. I think that's the issue in a nutshell.

Thanks for the response.

Cheers...

That quote...

[taiyosan.livejournal.com]

"...fear is the great mind-killer." What book is that from"

Dune or the Left-Hand of Darkness?

I remember it fairly well as it has some considerable effect on my life at the time ... but now i no longer remember the source ....

And i think it is quite correct!

Re: That quote...

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

I think I read it in Dune. One of my favorite Frank Herbert passages on fear - though I am not sure if it's from Dune or some other source, is:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit to to pass over me and through me.
And when it is gone past me I will turn to see fear's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Cheers...

And

[taiyosan.livejournal.com]

thank you—

Re: That quote...

[fxflynn.livejournal.com]

i'm afraid you are correct, it's Dune...

[madhacktress.livejournal.com]

I can't offer any financially helpful advice, but I can tell you that I've been there, and I know what it's like... and it can, and does get better if you set yourself to it.

I wish you all the best, and if you need an ear to rant to... I'm always around!!

Chirstyn

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Cheers...