alexpgp | LJ Idol 7.4: The elephant in the room.

“Here we are,” said the minister, as the small party passed through the low doorway, and the prisoner was so surprised by what lay beyond the threshold that, for a moment or two, he stopped struggling. He had expected a dungeon, but the chamber beneath the castle was huge: roughly in the shape of a cube some one hundred feet on a side with openings arranged around the top of the walls to provide light.

Except for a blood-spattered, knee-high block of wood on the floor, the chamber was empty, if you didn’t count the men who had entered and the elephant standing in the middle of the space.

“And so, my good fellow,” said the minister, extending his arms, “your task is this. You are to make the elephant disappear from this essentially subterranean chamber. I must inform you, additionally, that the walls and floor are made of solid rock masonry and are impenetrable. You have one hour to accomplish this task. Succeed, and you will be rewarded. Fail, and your life is forfeit. Any questions?”

The fat guard punched the prisoner in the face as the latter opened his mouth to speak. The young man fell to the floor.

“No questions? Very well then,” said the minister, “see you in an hour.” His voice changed to a malicious singsong: “Good lu-uck!” The minister left the chamber, followed by the guards, who locked the door behind themselves.

One hour later, the door reopened to admit the minister and the guards. The fat guard held an overly large ax in his hands.

The elephant was gone.

The thin guard ran out the door and down the corridor, shouting something unintelligible.

Several minutes later, the king himself appeared in the chamber, where he and the minister and the guards spent some time looking for the elephant, but there was no elephant in the chamber.

“Congratulations, young man,” said the king, finally. “You appear to have achieved the impossible.”

“No, Your Majesty, wait!” said the minister. “This man is a fraud, or worse!” Then, turning to the prisoner, he demanded: “Where has the beast gone? What did you do with it?”

“Well,” began the prisoner, through swollen lips, “it’s sort of complicated, but in any event, it’s irrelevant, because your requirement was to make the elephant disappear, not explain how I did it.” The young man turned to the king. “Your Majesty, I beseech you to hold this man to his word and have him give me the only reward I seek. Release me!”

“Pardon, Your Majesty!” said the minister, before the king could reply. “Forgive me for appearing to speak out of turn, but how the elephant was made to disappear is very, very relevant to the discussion, for as Your Majesty is aware, there is a very strict prohibition within the kingdom on the use of sorcery, and since making the elephant disappear would appear to be impossible without the use of sorcery, the fact of the elephant’s unexplained absence must be explained, so that justice can prevail.”

“What have you to say to this?” asked the king, addressing the prisoner.

“Well, let me hazard a wild speculation and guess that the punishment for sorcery—” the prisoner looked at the minister as if he was peering into the man’s soul, “is death.” Satisfied that his speculation was correct, the prisoner sighed, looked at the king, and said: “I must say, Your Majesty, your minister seems intent on executing me. Why is that?”

The minister gave a little smile and said: “With your permission, Your Majesty, may I explain our ways?” The king raised his eyebrows slightly in assent. “There is no personal animus at work here,” said the minister, addressing the prisoner. “You see, some years ago, our king’s father had a very wise advisor, whose functions I have been performing on behalf of the king’s father—and now the king—since the advisor’s unfortunate and untimely death. This elephant problem was designed for the purpose of finding his replacement, who must be the most clever and resourceful person in the world, as only such a person is good enough to serve our king.” With that, the minister bowed to the king, whose eyes were fixed on the prisoner.

Turning back to the prisoner, the minister continued: “Naturally, candidates who fail the problem must be silenced forever to prevent any of its details from leaking to the outside world, which might allow an impostor to arrive prepared for the problem and thus to pass it and falsely claim the advisor’s post. As for executing sorcerers—well, that’s just a normal function of good government, wouldn’t you agree?” The minister almost chuckled, but quickly recovered his severe tone. “And since you are obviously a sorcerer—”

“Wait,” said the prisoner. “Do you mean to say that you’ve have been putting innocent wanderers to death for some number of years over a problem that has no—shall we say, ‘legal’—solution?” The king’s eyes widened slightly and the furrows in his young brow relaxed upon hearing these words and he turned to hear his minister’s response.

“Well, no, that’s not it at all!” said the minister, and there was a defensive tone in his voice. “Of course there is a way to solve the problem, and the solution most assuredly does not involve sorcery. But in the end, you see, only the most clever person—one capable of being the king’s advisor—will find the solution.”

“I apparently found it,” said the prisoner. “The elephant is gone.”

“Then show us how you did it,” said the minister.

The young man turned to the king. “Your Majesty, I will be most happy to show you how I made the elephant disappear if first you require the minister to demonstrate how to do so without the use of sorcery. Your Majesty can then compare our methods, assess their similarities and differences, and make any necessary decisions.”

“That would not be a problem at all,” said the minister, addressing the king. “But alas, the elephant is gone, so I cannot make it disappear. The prisoner is wasting our time. Let the guards deal with him, sire.”

“Actually,” said the prisoner, looking past the other men in the chamber, “there’s the elephant right behind you.” The men turned and reacted visibly when they saw the elephant, which had indeed reappeared. The king was the first to recover his composure. He turned to the prisoner, whose face was calm, and then to his minister, whose face had paled.

“Why don’t you show us how it’s done, minister?” said the king. “I believe the standard time limit is what, one hour, to make the animal go away? And death if you fail?” He smiled and motioned the prisoner to the door of the chamber and turned to the trembling minister as he paused at the threshold. “Unless I’m mistaken, I think I’ve found my advisor.”