It's an interpreter's life...

Many moons ago, Woody Allen quipped, "What if Khrushchev wanted peace, but his interpreter wanted war?" After a moment's musing on how that mismatch might turn out, most people turned to more important things.

It's funny how life imitates art, sometimes.

Russian President Putin appeared at a press conference summarizing the results of the concluded Russia-European Union summit yesterday, and in answering a Western reporter's question, said the following:

"...если вы христианин, то вы в опасности. Даже если вы атеист, вы в опасности, если решили стать мусульманином - и это не спасет, потому что традиционный ислам враждебен тем условиям и задачам, которые они (террористы) ставят".

"...If you are a Christian, you are in danger. Even if you are an atheist, you are in danger, and if you decide to convert to Islam, this will not save you, either, because traditional Islam is inimical to the conditions and objectives set by them [the terrorists]."

Then, according to the interpreter, Mr. Putin said the following:

"If you want to become an Islamic radical, come to Moscow. We are a multidenominational and multiethnic nation. Please come, as Moscow is tolerant of everything and everybody."

However, what Mr. Putin really said was the following:

"Если же вы готовы стать самым радикальным исламистом и готовы сделать себе обрезание, приглашаю вас в Москву. Я порекомендую сделать операцию таким образом, чтобы у вас уже ничего не выросло."

"If you are prepared to become a most radical Islamist and are prepared to circumcise yourself, I invite you to come to Moscow. I will recommend having the operation done in a way that will permanently stunt your growth."

I'm taking a bit of a liberty with the last few words, which translated literally would read: "in such a way that nothing will grow for you there anymore." But this is not this issue, which is that Putin was being rather, um, aggressive with his words, while his interpreter seems rather the opposite... almost conciliatory.

There is no telling why this happened, and several reasons occur to me without thinking too hard. Incompetence (rather unlikely, but not impossible). Misunderstanding. A fast-talking Putin. Lousy sound equipment. Deliberate misrepresentation.

And then there is my personal favorite: Saving The Boss.

It is said that some Soviet leader - possibly the same Khrushchev that featured so prominently in Woody Allen's one-liner - was at an international fair of some kind when he ran across a piece of machinery that took his breath away. He started to rail at his entourage, demanding to know why something like this, he said, pointing at the machine, couldn't be manufactured in the Soviet Union. Well, it turned out that everyone - except The Leader - was painfully aware that the machine in questions had been made in the USSR, and it appeared that Khrushchev was on the brink of looking pretty foolish in front of the world's press (who were following him around at the exhibition), when the interpreter turned to the press corps and made up some remarks on behalf of Nikita Sergeyevitch, to the effect that "This is the kind of machine that places the USSR in the lead, industrially, in the world." The press swallowed the fabrication hook, line, and sinker.

I personally have been present when a Russian space official - who was well on the way to a monumental hangover the next morning - appeared at a podium and made the most outrageous remarks to an audience made up almost exclusively of American space workers. About a quarter of the way through his remarks, I stopped trying to understand what he was saying, and began to think of things he should be saying. When the old man finished, the interpreter, without batting an eyelash, regaled the crowd with a load of the Same Old Thing that such speakers are supposed to spout: cooperation, brotherhood, former-enemies-now-friends, space, peace, cooperation, progress, the future, brotherhood, peace, historic exploration, cooperation, and space. Oh, and peace... can't say that often enough.

The crowd applauded. The rest of the Russian delegation breathed a sigh of relief. Nobody was the wiser.

So if I had to bet, I'd wager that Putin's poor interpreter hoped to Save The Boss. (I mean, when was the last time you heard a head of state talk this way? Heck, I could not even imagine George W. saying anything so... unstatesmanlike.) But the times being what they are... it's almost impossible to do that, unless there are no rolling cameras pointing at or recording microphones waggling in front of your principal.

It didn't work, but it was a nice try.

Cheers...

P.S. The source of the Russian is an item on Lenta.ru.