Love those bottom-of-the-email notices...

I suppose people actually get paid to put together, review, and vet those silly messages that some companies insist on appending to all of their email. I received an especially silly one today in an email from company N informing me that some company in Ukraine had pirated their software, and that by purchasing the product (presumably from the pirate, though that was not explicitly stated) I "would indirectly be breaking the law and potentially liable of secondary copyright infringement" [sic].

Seeing as how I had never heard of their product, nor have I ever entertained the slightest temptation to see what it was all about, I was at a loss to understand why the mail had been sent to me. Perhaps the PDF they attached to the message is some kind of malware, I don't know (and since I was reading the message on my Linux box, I didn't much care). But their "IMPORTANT NOTICE" at the end of their missive was a real doozy. Check this out:

We endorse no advice or opinion contained in this communication that is not the subject of a contract between the recipient and ourselves.  If you have received it in error please notify us immediately and note that any storage, use or disclosure is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.

So, let me get this straight, if there is no contract between them and me, then everything in the message is... horse puckey? I think that's what it says.

And then there is this:

Whilst we check the communications we send for virus infection, we accept no responsibility for any loss or damage caused to your systems by this communication.

A convenient out if that PDF does turn out to be malware. Hmmm. You have to wonder about people who use "whilst" and mean it.

Then, however, the notice wanders squarely over into tin hat mode:

Those communicating with us by electronic mail will be deemed to have accepted the risks associated with interception, amendment, loss and late or incomplete delivery.  They will also be deemed to have consented to our intercepting and monitoring such communications.

Say again, 'bro? Risks of what? Consent to what?

I dallied with the idea of writing a pithy yet elaborate rip-'em-a-new-bodily-orifice response, but in the end decided to thank them for their email, assure them that buying their sofware was the last thing on my mind, and attached an edited copy of their attachment (just in case).

Cheers...