LJ F&R 0: Introduction

[alexpgp]

I was sound asleep when the phone rang. I picked up the handset.

"Uhh.. yeah?" I began, and remembered to say "Hello?"

I was rewarded by a scratching sound that ended in a hiss, followed by the subtle, short rustling sound a cigarette makes when it's lit. I was well acquainted with that sound, but I was still half asleep.

"Hello?" I repeated. "Sam? Is that you?"

"The one and only, at your service," came Sam Spade's voice over the line, followed by the sound of a deep drag. "How's tricks?"

"You caught me asleep, Sam," I said, and then I realized something.

"You're calling me?" I said. The realization pushed me completely awake. "What's going on?"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch," said Spade. "I simply figured turnaround is fair play, what with all the times you've called me in the past," he said. "As it turns out,..."—and here there was a pause while my interlocutor did something that made the sound of fingernails being brushed over a five-o'clock shadow—"... I need your help."

"Well, to the extent I can help a fictional character from a book released in 1930," I said, "I'm all ears."

Spade gave a short chuckle and lit another cigarette.

"It's like this," he said. "I have a case coming up that will probably require me to work in a team with some other shamuses, and I figure the right thing to do is introduce myself to them."

"And...?" I said.

"And that's where you come in, old man," said Spade. "Between you and me, I have no problem trading barbs with cops like Dundy or Polhaus or telling the D.A. where to get off, but ever since the O'Shaughnessy broad bumped Miles,... well, I haven't been much of a social animal among the private gumshoes in this burg, if you get my drift."

"Usually it's me who beats around the bush," I said. "Get to the point. What do you want me to do?"

"I don't want to go in there with a spiel that sounds like I cribbed it from a high school yearbook," said Spade. "I want to let people know what they're getting into if they work with me."

After a moment, I said: "I don't really know where to start, Sam. As far as your background is concerned, all I have to work with is that book about the bird and the Bogart film that came out of it."

"Fair enough," said Spade, after a brief pause. "So why don't you tell me how you'd introduce yourself to a bunch of people so as to give them an idea of what it'd be like to work with you?"

I gave the question some thought as another match was struck at the other end of the line, and then said: "Well, in my case, I'd let them know that at the beginning of the year, I had to drop out of a writing competition because I had to get an operation. And then just a couple of months ago, I had another operation that also sidelined me for a while."

I heard Sam give a whistle. "No kidding?" he asked. "You okay now?"

"It is what it is. I have to scare up a bunch of work to pay bills, so that'll be a priority. If I were rash enough to sign up for, say, another round of competitive writing, I might have to drop out at a moment's notice. I'll take it day by day. After all, in the end, we are—all of us—merely souls propping up a corpse."

"Hmmm—Marcus Aurelius quoting Epictetus," said Spade. "I didn't realize you read the Stoics."

"We're even, Sam," I said. "I didn't realize you did, either."

Another chuckle came over the line. "So, you're basically telling me I should let the other gents in the group know—what's that nutty expression you taught me?—'where I'm coming from', eh?"

"Yeah, pretty much," I said.

"Well, I'll give it some thought. Thanks for your time," said Spade. "Call me any time you need advice—and stay healthy."

"Sure thing, Sam. Will do," I said, and then we said our goodbyes and the connection was broken.

Comments

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

Well, as you might tell from the piece, I myself have been reading the Stoics, so it's not so much that I'm preparing myself for any set number of days, as much as I'm changing the way I'm thinking about how to spend today.

Thanks for the kind words.

Cheers...