Tight as a tripwire...

[alexpgp]

When I started Semagic, there were about a million things racing through my head, but now, faced with a (nearly) blank screen, I don't know what to say.

I've not been a pleasant person to be around today, I'm afraid. I am so wound up, it's not funny. And part of me keeps reaching out to beat myself up every time I consider what must be done, because invariably, what must be done comes down to me, in the sense of both how the situation with my father being in the hospital affects my day-to-day life and how it will require me to step up to the plate as far as my dad's life is concerned. I'm not sure I'm ready, but I'm not sure I can afford not to be.

Because it occurs to me that, despite all that was going on during the year my mom spent as a drooling vegetable, I kept my distance and let my dad take care of day-to-day stuff. He paid the bills, he visited her every day, without fail, he arranged for the lawyer to straighten things out with the bureaucracy, he ultimately dealt with the funeral home, etc. and I'm sure he wouldn't have had it any other way. But now that he's in the hospital, who's going to do all that stuff?

Only one person comes to mind.

Am I up to it? There's the optimist in me that says yes, there's the "realist" in me that looks at my own financial situation and says there's no way, and there's the little kid in me who never quite did anything well enough to please his old man that simply doesn't know, but figures he's got to give it a shot, because there simply isn't any other choice.

The doctor says he'll be in the hospital for a while, and then in rehab, so I figure the time constraint on my doing something will have more to do with someone having to take the reins than having to take care of him at the house.

Cheers...

Comments

[bandicoot.livejournal.com]

I hear you.

Bummer days.....

[daphnis.livejournal.com]

"These are the times which [are intended to] try men's [women's] souls', in my way of thinking. The changes taking place in your work situations and in your life regarding your ailing Dad all seem to lead to deeper knowledge of Self and others, whether we want to delve into the subjects or not.

I think it all may come under the classification of Continuing Education, PhD level or better, and there doesn't seem to be any way to 'ace' the course from afar; it's hands-on study and practicum rolled into one, like micheinnzs training as an electrician.

Please try to remember that your many friends are sending positive thoughts and energy your way.....