Putting one's finger on the issues of the day...

[alexpgp]

An excellent satire at the Onion. Excerpts (NOTE: What follows are not actual quotes on the part of Ashcroft and Rumsfeld, they are part of the Onion's satire):

"We live in a land governed by plurality of opinion in an open electorate, but we are now under siege by adherents of a fundamentalist, totalitarian belief system that tolerates no dissent," Attorney General John Ashcroft said. "Our most basic American values are threatened by an enemy opposed to everything for which our flag stands. That is why I call upon all Americans to submit to wiretaps, e-mail monitoring, and racial profiling. Now is not the time to allow simplistic, romantic notions of 'civil liberties' and 'equal protection under the law' to get in the way of our battle with the enemies of freedom."

In the past, Ashcroft said, efforts by federal agencies to restrict personal freedoms were "severely hampered" by such factors as the judicial system, the Bill Of Rights, and "government by the people." Since the attacks, however, some such limitations have been waived, finally giving the CIA, FBI, Pentagon, and White House the greater powers they need to defend freedom.

...

"Remember, under the oppressive Taliban regime, people live in constant fear of an oppressive order to which all must submit," Rumsfeld said. "Under their system, it is illegal to practice a different religion or support a different political system. It is against the law for women to work or leave their homes without their faces covered. There is no freedom of speech, press, or assembly, as dissent of any kind is not tolerated. It is even forbidden to smile or laugh in public, and all who fail to unquestioningly obey are punished with reprisals of brutal violence. We must not allow such a regime to threaten our great democracy. We must stand for something better than that."

"It is therefore urgent," Rumsfeld continued, "that all Americans be quiet, stop asking questions, accept the orders of authorities, and let us get on with the important work of defending liberty, so that America can continue to be a beacon of freedom to all the world."

My first impression, upon reading the satire, was "It'd be funny if it wasn't so close to being real."

However, after unbending my mind from around the satire, reading the comments posted in the first hour after the initial post, and revisiting what's actually being proposed in the Anti-Terrorism Act, the House's PATRIOT bill, and the Senate's USA Act, I cannot foresee the end of the world from the perspective of civil liberties in the United States. But make no mistake, the proposals do expand the scope of what the government may do in terms of monitoring your communications, searching and seizing your possessions, and examining information you might think is protected by privacy legislation.

Cheers...

Comments

[bandicoot.livejournal.com]

Even more amusing is that those quotes are being circulated as real ;)

[bsgi.livejournal.com]

That is anything but amusing.

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

Somewhere else? Or are you saying that my (original) excerpts made it look as if they were real. In any event, I've modified the post (for the satirically impaired :^).

Cheers...

[bandicoot.livejournal.com]

I saw examples of the "quotes" before I was aware they were from The Onion and before you posted. I can't remember where, though, except they appeared to be posted to bolster the posters' preexisting views about the government.

I just knew they were way too off the wall to be true, and when I saw them more than once, I suspected a satiric source quoted by the humor-impaired ;)