A moment of silence, please...

I finally found the restore disk for the Compaq. It was - surprise! - in among the rest of my "install" CDs. So now, there is no excuse for not reverting the Compaq back to the Windows 98 operating system it came into this world loaded with.

That means that the Linux system that's there is a goner... the restore disk doesn't understand anything but "reformat and reinstall."

It's a good thing I backed up the important files from that machine... but it's going to be a while before I can reinstall anything since hardware is getting a bit scarce around here. Then again, it's not as though I'm connected to my local ISP through a dedicated machine anymore, so I might take the important files off of my etower-333CS and then install FreeBSD on top of the Mandrake distro that's sitting there, and let that be my *nix box.

Decisions...decisions... At least one is not hard, and that's the one about going to bed. I think I'll let the Compaq go on autopilot and do any required keyboard work on the system tomorrow.

Cheers...

Darkly depressed...

Today was one of those days that made me want to cry "Uncle!" at the top of my lungs.

Where do I start? And should I?

Actually, the day got off to a pretty good start. After using the restore disk on the Compaq, the operating $y$tem pops up a dialog box that asks for my product ID.

"Say what?" I think to myself. "This disk says it'll only restore onto my model of Presario. So... like... "

You get the picture.

Overly tired, I hit the Compaq web site and left a note asking them if they would be kind enough to give me my product ID. I held out little hope.

The required information was in my morning inbox.

I flailed about until about 11 am, when Galina came by to pick me up. I put the Compaq and associated goodies in the van and we went to the shop.

The good news was that I had a sizeable check waiting for me for my work in Houston. The bad news was that two accounts payable checks for the shop wiped out about 75% of that check... the one we were supposed to live on... that one.

And I'm not at all sure that there aren't other accounts payable lurking in the corners waiting to yell "Gotcha!" at hellishly high decibels when I'm not looking.

Fear is the mind-killer...

The store is losing money, and we are falling into the pattern of doing little or nothing to change that, and maybe even accelerating the process. I don't know...

I do know that I am spread out thin, thin, thin... and I keep getting pushed letting myself get pushed into putting out fires now instead of working to prevent future fires. Working like a maniac to try to earn money translating and interpreting just so the money can go into paying the store's bills is not my idea of what I want to do with my life.

Maybe the issue is that I don't really know what to do... else I'd be doing it? Or maybe it's easier to feel I'm doing something useful with all the firefighting?

I need to get back to basics. I need to set forth what needs to be done, and take steps to do it.

Hah! That's brave talk from a guy who has to do a thousand little things because certain other people around him say "I don't understand how to do that!" and evince absolutely no interest in gaining that understanding, or whose interest consists in watching me do and explain what needs to be done, over and over again, until it's just easier either to do it myself - without having to explain it - or just leave the task undone.)

Golly, I can whine, can't I?

While I'm on that subject, it's funny how I can twist almost anything against myself like that... almost like I don't have a right to complain... or if I do have that right, it's only because I'm a whiner.

The fact is - bottom line - I feel I am getting no support at the shop. On the other hand, everyone is working hard. Go figure.

It's late. I'm tired (been translating, natch). I should probably make this a private post, but someone out there might have some useful advice or insight, I don't know. I'm not looking for a kick in the butt, nor am I looking for an "Awww, poor baby!" from anyone; I don't think there's benefit to be gained from either exercise.

As I said, I'm tired. Crazy as it sounds, my mind feels a little clearer, a little more at ease for having laid these lines down on phosphor.

I will succeed. I will survive. Others have done it, and so will I.

Cheers...