On hold with FedEx...
May. 22nd, 2003 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexpgpAlthough I know it's (probably) not true, I cannot help but think that everyone at FedEx has gone home for the day, and that the only person who cares about my package is typing on my keyboard right now. I've just spent 35 minutes on hold, so I hope they didn't bother recording the phone call "for training and quality purposes."
"We are sorry to keep your waiting. Visit fedex.com to quickly track the status of your packages, find dropoff locations, and schedule pickups. And now discover how you can save 10% on online express shipment. Shipping online is faster, easier, and now cheaper. Visit fedex.com for details. A FedEx representative will be with you shortly."
Translation: Obviously, you're either a dimwit who doesn't know how to use a computer, or your problem can't be solved by our web site, in which case we're not all that enthusiastic about talking to you right now. Go away, though we'll be happy to take your money in the future as you gamble on shipping things that positively must get somewhere overnight via Federal Express.
"FedEx appreciates the opportunity to serve you and your shipping needs. Thank you for holding just a moment longer."
We have to say this on the off chance that we actually get to your call in something less than geologic time. Note, however, that we only appreciate the opportunity to serve you, etc. (the prospect of actually serving you doesn't really excite us... it's hard).
"Please continue to hold and one of our FedEx representatives will return to your call as soon as possible."
Nice touch, that "return to your call" business. "Return" implies something along the lines of having spoken to me to find out what my problem is, which didn't happen. Thank goodness I can type and get some work done while on hold.
Why won't FedEx talk to me? Is their customer "service" office closed? If so, why not bluntly tell me so?
It took just about seven hours for the envelope to travel from Durango to Memphis. It's been about that long since FedEx initiated a trace (upon my request, which raises an interesting point... do they wait for customers to complain before initiating a trace, or does it occur to them independently?).
Where the hell is my package?
Farblegarg.
Cheers...
"We are sorry to keep your waiting. Visit fedex.com to quickly track the status of your packages, find dropoff locations, and schedule pickups. And now discover how you can save 10% on online express shipment. Shipping online is faster, easier, and now cheaper. Visit fedex.com for details. A FedEx representative will be with you shortly."
Translation: Obviously, you're either a dimwit who doesn't know how to use a computer, or your problem can't be solved by our web site, in which case we're not all that enthusiastic about talking to you right now. Go away, though we'll be happy to take your money in the future as you gamble on shipping things that positively must get somewhere overnight via Federal Express.
"FedEx appreciates the opportunity to serve you and your shipping needs. Thank you for holding just a moment longer."
We have to say this on the off chance that we actually get to your call in something less than geologic time. Note, however, that we only appreciate the opportunity to serve you, etc. (the prospect of actually serving you doesn't really excite us... it's hard).
"Please continue to hold and one of our FedEx representatives will return to your call as soon as possible."
Nice touch, that "return to your call" business. "Return" implies something along the lines of having spoken to me to find out what my problem is, which didn't happen. Thank goodness I can type and get some work done while on hold.
Why won't FedEx talk to me? Is their customer "service" office closed? If so, why not bluntly tell me so?
It took just about seven hours for the envelope to travel from Durango to Memphis. It's been about that long since FedEx initiated a trace (upon my request, which raises an interesting point... do they wait for customers to complain before initiating a trace, or does it occur to them independently?).
Where the hell is my package?
Farblegarg.
Cheers...
